Today’s Republican

Bumper stickers certainly aren’t literary triumphs in any capacity, however, I have come across a few lately that really astound me at their absolute stupidity and their incredibly sophomoric view of the world.

The first I saw a few weeks ago while driving through some Pennsylvania back roads. It looked like this:

Political affiliations aside, when did recycling become an entirely “liberal” thing to do? Its not as if recycling has anything to do with an economic preference or a particular form of government. Why, then, should recycling be thrown under the term “liberal?” Environmental concerns are everyone’s concern. I know liberals, libertarians, republicans, democrats, anarchists, socialists, and communists who care about the environment and have a
vested interest in the future of the Earth.
A few weeks later, I found myself behind a car with this gem of knowledge on the bumper:

Well, at least this guy is being honest about his class-ism. Not all xenophobes are quite so overt, so I suppose some credit is due there. What’s more, the bumper sticker at least does have some truth to it. Yes, not everyone can be on welfare, because in a rich society such as the United States, there is always room for the misers, for the greedy, for the selfish, and for the heartless, who believe that there can be such a thing as a just society where some are well off and others suffer tremendously.

But why not take it one step further? My proposed bumper sticker:
Republican – because I’m rich, bitch!” I mean, isn’t that what this person is advocating here? I have money, you don’t, and there cannot be any good reason for me to give up what’s mine. What is compassion anyway, but for those bleeding heart liberals?

Even more recently, a friend of mine was driving his Toyota Prius on the PA turnpike when an SUV began to tailgate him. When he pulled out of the passing lane, the truck accelerated so as to be even with his window and gave him the finger. As the truck sped off, he noticed a bumper sticker that read: “Drive your hybrid…you liberal pussy!

This astounds me at many levels because there are so many reasons, liberalism aside, that driving a hybrid car is a good thing for individuals, and for the rest of the world, that can be considered positive on all ends of the political spectrum. Without even going into the environmental benefits of driving hybrids (at the fear of appearing to be too “liberal”), I can name plenty of reasons for getting a hybrid that don’t make you a liberal, or a pussy.

#1 – Saving money is something that everyone is concerned about. My friend spends less than half of the amount of money I do on gas, and I drive a non-hybrid car with decent gas mileage. Since conservatives are so, well, conservative when it comes to money, this seems to make sense for even the most staunch republican.

#2 – Reduced dependency on oil, namely, foreign oil. I mean, wouldn’t it be nice to stop fueling up with oil from Saudi Arabia every time we hit the pump?

#3 – This is intensely connected to the previous point, but reduced dependency on foreign oil could also help to bring an end to foreign wars. This means less American soldiers dying, which we all can support. And my next point…

#4 – Bringing an end to foreign wars means we can maybe cut back our defense budget, which numbers somewhere in the $600 billion range. With Republicans wailing over the need for the U.S. to cut back on some of our debt, this seems like a great place to start.

Who knows, maybe thinking that it is a good thing to save money, save the environment, reduce our foreign oil dependency and thus reduce our tensions with other countries makes me a pussy. And maybe, driving a jacked up Hummer on a highway makes you less generously endowed in more than one organ of your body.
So here is my new bumper sticker:
Drive your Hummer…you republican prick dick.
If you feel the need to drive such a monstrosity of a car and harass others driving a car that is smaller than yours, your small mind isn’t the only thing you don’t have going for you.

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